Cinderella, Armed
Snow White Tries Cannibalism
Cinderella armed
It was time for the ball, and just as Stepmother and the stepsisters were about to leave, out popped Cinderella, gorgeous in her mouse-and-bird made gown.
“What do you think you are doing?” barked Stepmother.
“I…. I finished my chores. I can go!” Cinderella beamed in joy. Surely nothing could stand in the way of her happiness now.
“Hey! Scowled one sister. “That bow is from my old dress!” And she yanked it away.
“And the skirt is one of my old ones!” said the other sister, pulling it off.
Stepmother did nothing to stop them, but silently smirked, as the two stepsister took turns ripping Cinderella’s gown to shreds.
“Let that teach you a lesson,” Stepmother said. “A scullery maid like you does not go to balls in the castle. Come, daughters,” she said to the other two.
Cinderella was in tears, and had never felt so broken, hopeless and alone.
Luckily, there was a gun on the table.
“What have I done!” Cinderella screamed moments later, standing over the three bodies, the gun smoking in her hand. “Did I…Oh no!” She ran to the garden, where her Fairy Godmother was waiting.
“What have you done, child?” the Fairy cried.
“I don’t know. They just, they made me so mad, and I just, I just…”
“Well, I was going to help you, but Fairy Godmother Code says now I have to turn you in, child. You see…”
And another shot rang out, silencing the old sprite.
Cinderella changed into one of her stepsister’s other gowns, went to the ball, met the Prince – and they would have lived happily ever after, had he not dropped in the next day with her glass slipper and seen the grounds strewn with bodies.
Bullying solves nothing. And having a gun in the home allows highly emotional moments to turn tragic.
Snow White Tries Cannibalism
The Dwarves, the Little People, were at work in the mines, as they were every weekday at ten in the morning. Most beautiful Snow White was singing merrily as she cleaned and swept, full of appreciation for their hospitality and protection after the Evil Queen had tried to kill her.
Bending as she guided some breakfast effluvium into the dustpan, wondering what they Little Ones might like for dinner, singing to the bird on the windowsill “I get no kick in a plane” Snow White jumped a bit at a sudden knock on the door.
It was an old lady, a very old lady a crone.
“May I use your bathroom?” she croaked. “I o don’t like going in the woods, you see Missy.”
While the lady was in the powder room, Snow White opened a bag of carrots and began chopping them with a butcher’s knife. “Vole stew tonight,” she thought.
The old lady returned wiping her hands on her apron as she entered the kitchen. “You have been so kind,” she said bowing to Snow White. “Here – please enjoy this apple I picked.”
“Oh you don’t have to . . .” Snow White said, blushing. She put down the knife, wiped her hands on her apron, and accepted the brilliantly red apple.
“Take a bit, dear,” the lady urged. “It’s at it’s sweetest and crunchiest right now.”
Snow White smiled,. Said “Thank you”, raised the apple to her lips and bit down.
As she swallowed that first bite, the old lady cackled, waved her arms, and transformed into a pretty beautiful Evil Queen.
Snow White gaped at her. The Queen laughed, pointing at Snow White. “You fool!” se said. “I only pretended to use the bathrooms I would have a credible excuse to give you a thank-you gift! That apple is poisoned, and you are going to drop dead in a minute. And then I will be more beautiful than I am now by comparison with the other women around here!”
“You talk too much,” Snow White said, as she picked up the butcher knife again and plunged it into the stomach of the somewhat beautiful Evil Queen, who stumbled backward against the table, wide eyes flashing disbelief at the clearly not dead Snow White.
“Since you forced out here,” Snow White explained, I’ve been eating voles, tree frogs, squirrels, some kind of mouse chipmunks and all manner of vermin. I’ve developed an immunity to poison.”
She pulled the knife out of the Queen’s guy and ran it across her throat. The Queen dropped into a pool of her own blood.
Snow White looked down at her, looked up t the carrots she’d been chopping, back to the Queen, over to the ice box where the rodent meat was kept. Back to the Queen.
That evening the Little People ate their fill, laughing away, marvelling at the delicious dinner.
“Wonderful meal, Snow White,” barked Grumpy.
“And the way you served it” added Doc. “Beautiful presentation, probably the second most beautiful presentation in all the land.”
“Thank you!” Snow White curtsied playfully. “Would you believe it was the Evil Queen?”
“No kidding!” exclaimed Sneezy. “Well you need help with the dishes?”
“Oh no thank you. I‘ll get it. You guys just get some rest.”
Jealousy and envy do nothing to improve oneself, and can often end in disaster.
And revenge has no place in efforts to foster understanding and amity.